Yesterday at work and I got into an argument with a co-worker (a co-worker that’s made sexist comments before) and I just…urg…I was so upset about it that I felt sick. There was a group of us in our swim office just hanging out during a break and somehow, two of my male co-workers started talking about how a good wife always gives head—even if she doesn’t want to. I, of course, jumped in and said that if I ever made the mistake of getting married, I wouldn’t do every sexual favor under the sun for my husband. That my husband didn’t own me and I didn’t owe him oral sex.
My co-worker said that a good wife does that. Someone else jumped in and said that a good husband does the same for his wife—to which he did agree. I just responded that since I didn’t like any oral action down there, “my husband” wouldn’t be getting any either. (Again, I’m not getting married, so everything in this conversation is hypothetical). I also expressed my dislike of these certain acts, since I, personally, HAVE experienced them.
My co-worker exploded. “Everyone likes getting eaten out! It’s natural!”
To which I responded that it’s perfectly ok for people like and enjoy that, but I find it very, very uncomfortable and awkward for me personally.
"YOU WERE RAISED TO BE ASHAMED OF YOUR BODY!! ANY GIRL WHO DOESN’T LIKE ORAL IS ASHAMED OF HER BODY!! THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO GET A GIRL TO ORGASM, YOU KNOW!"
I could only shake my head and say no over and over again. Everyone in the office is staring at me at this point, smugly looking at the stunted, asexual girl. My co-worker continued.
"You can say no as much as you like but you’re immature! My God, you’re 25 and you think oral is dirty! You can say it’s weird for you, but you’re just ashamed! ASHAMED! You were brought up in a family that taught you to feel shame toward sex!!!"
So, of course, I’m practically in tears at this point. By my saying I dislike oral sex personally, this man starts blurting untrue assumptions all over the place for all my co-workers to hear.
I’m just fucking pissed that people are allowed to make completely untrue accusations and assumptions toward people when it involves sex. And I wasn’t going to stand there and argue back with him because 1.) He would interrupt me every time I tried 2.) It’s not my place to divulge every piece of personal sexual experience I have.
Yes, I could have stopped him and told that I was actually raised in a family where my parents were (ARE) so sexually open I wasn’t able to sleep as a child because of their noise-making, or that my parents were always extremely accepting of sexuality and made no judgments, or that HELL NO, a woman doesn’t only orgasm from oral (WTF) and that I’ve achieved it in 30 seconds with just myself (and have been self-sexual since the age of three!). Instead I was immediately accused of hating my body and that I was an immature child who doesn’t know anything about my own body. And I’ve seen people say things like this before…and do you know how damaging it is? Before I discovered my asexuality, I would date men just to see if I could cure myself, to see if something would just click inside and I would suddenly be a heterosexual girl. I’d hear people say things like this, that I’m actually ashamed of my sexuality or body, so I would let guys have sex with me even though it was horribly painful. I’d allow myself to be verbally abused and coerced into sex when I didn’t want to because, apparently, I was just immature and ashamed. And it fucking pisses me off when I still see it! I see people who claim to be “activists” and “feminists” constantly telling asexuals or people who don’t want sex that they are horrible people who are ashamed of their bodies and just need to STFU and do it. How…terrifying.
I’ve been told that I should be raped to see if I enjoy sex. I’ve been told that I just need to find the “right one” to satisfy me, too. Now I can add YOU’RE ASHAMED OF YOUR BODY and YOU’RE TOO IMMATURE! To the list.
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- redbeardace said: What a pack of jackasses. My ex-girlfriend, who was definitely not asexual or ashamed, was not a fan of oral. Sad that his life experience is so limited.
- theanxiouswriter posted this