Tag, you’re it! Here are the rules: Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves. You have to choose and tag ten people. Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them. No tag back!
1. I was a navy-child. I spent the first four years of my life moving from state to state because of my dad’s navy bases. Lot’s o’ navy apartment living!
2. I know a lot about cats. In my whole life, my family and I have owned about 26 cats (not at once, though:)
3. I used to have a severe anxiety disorder that almost made me agoraphobic. I pretty much overcame it :) Still anxious at times, but no longer a disorder.
4. I’ve always identified as a kinky asexual. Well, self-sexual. Lately I’ve had absolutely no libido at all, though :(
5. I’m a full-time pool rat. I should be the director of a swim program, but instead I’m just teaching the new person how to be boss, am the “assistant” pool manager, and am being paid the same as the part-time staff for manager work.
6. I move to a new apartment every one to two years.
7. I have a Bachelor of Fine Art in Illustration. I fear failure, so I don’t even try to get a job in art. I am talented, but feel more unmotivated every day.
8. I have a history of hemiplegic migraines and am still trying to figure out my heart palpitations.
9. Although I’m a city girl, I was raised in a pretty hillbilly environment/house. I never thought I was white trash until I come home now and see the condition of the house that I was raised in, haha
10. I hate the idea of people hating me. Even if the scummiest, nastiest people on the planet hate me, I’d still probably buy them a beer if we met in person.
My libido has really crashed and burned! :( I really miss it. I’m even thinking of going to my doctor to see if something’s up. I never had this problem ever in my whole life until recently. Until…joining Hot Pieces of Ace! :D I don’t think the two are related, though. But still, I think I really do want to get my hormones checked or something—not because I’m asexual and am worried about “finding something wrong with me.” I am just really curious to see if something is actually physically happening since I’ve NEVER had this problem.
I have been called an extremist before. Which usually serves as a laugh, because obviously someone who calls a seventeen year old blogger an extremist has no concept of suicide bombings, occults, or genocide. But truthfully, there are times when I feel like devising a…
Ew, I made the mistake of checking out the forums….ew! ew! ew! ew! …Why do these guys think this is “Nice” behavior??
I work for a religious-based community center which offers services to the people around the area. It’s among some of the richest suburbs around the city and I see my fair share of privileged and spoiled children and adults. Everyone there is pretty much the same and hardly anyone in the whole community strays outside the “norm.” I work all day, everyday with two co-workers whom I have grown close to. Although I am close to them (they’re almost like my brothers away from home), I get in major disagreements with them. They both are relatively closed-minded and have been known to say racist, sexist, and extremely degrading things about others. I try not to let it bother me, but they’re both veerrry adamant about gender roles and the position of women in society. Unfortunately they’re both about 10-15 years older than me so they completely ignore me when I say I’m getting pissed or that they’re wrong.
Anyway, one thing that bothered me recently was my one co-worker (we’ll call him Joey) getting furious about this one girl’s swim attire.
I worked briefly at a YMCA where girls commonly wore T-shirts, shorts, or longer swim suits when they swam. There was one little girl on my swim team who insisted on dressing in boy’s swim attire (with a shirt) because she felt more comfortable. So, when one of my little 6-year-old swimmers came onto the pool deck that I currently work at, wearing a black boy’s swim shirt and large dragon-swim trunks, I didn’t even notice. I taught the lesson, my supervisor at the time lifeguarded, and then the group of swimmers left.
My supervisor was confused and asked me if (made-up name) Emma was a boy or girl. I was surprised and said she was a girl. I’ve been swimming with her for two years so I was bewildered as to why my boss would ask that. Emma continues to wear this swim attire to the pool every time she swims with me.
A couple of weeks ago, I was standing in the middle of the pool having my swimmers swim to me and then swim back to the wall. This is the talking technique, where instructors are too lazy to move with the swimmers, so we just have them swim back and forth to us as we talk to each other in the middle of the pool. Anyway, as Emma was swimming to me, Joey shook his head, an almost disgusted expression on his face as she got closer, swimming an excellent front crawl.
"Why the hell does she dress like that?" He demanded.
I shrugged and said that a lot of girls wear swim shirts, too. Maybe she gets cold in the water.
"Her parents need to make her wear a girl’s one-piece. She’s not a boy."
”She can wear whatever she wants! She’s in a pool!” I explained.
Joey turned to me, visibly upset. “She needs to understand that she’s a girl. She needs to learn her gender roles.”
I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped. No, I’m positive it did. I even asked if I heard him right. Joey just muttered,
"She’s going to need a lot of therapy when she grows up."
And this is only just one ‘little’ thing I hear almost daily at work. And this guy has a bachelor in psychology, too. I don’t understand why it’s so terrible if a girl wants to dress like a boy!! I did when I was little. I even insisted on having an incredibly short, boy haircut and my parents were like, ‘more power to you, girl!’ Sigh…getting so tired of my full-time job.
“It’s Okay to be Neither,” By Melissa Bollow Tempel
Alie arrived at our 1st-grade classroom wearing a sweatshirt with a hood. I asked her to take off her hood, and she refused. I thought she was just being difficult and ignored it. After breakfast we got in line for art, and I noticed that she still had not removed her hood. When we arrived at the art room, I said: “Allie, I’m not playing. It’s time for art. The rule is no hoods or hats in school.”
She looked up with tears in her eyes and I realized there was something wrong. Her classmates went into the art room and we moved to the art storage area so her classmates wouldn’t hear our conversation. I softened my tone and asked her if she’d like to tell me what was wrong.
“My ponytail,” she cried.
“Can I see?” I asked.
She nodded and pulled down her hood. Allie’s braids had come undone overnight and there hadn’t been time to redo them in the morning, so they had to be put back in a ponytail. It was high up on the back of her head like those of many girls in our class, but I could see that to Allie it just felt wrong. With Allie’s permission, I took the elastic out and re-braided her hair so it could hang down.
“How’s that?” I asked.
She smiled. “Good,” she said and skipped off to join her friends in art.
I haven’t had any time to make my good-bye video…but I already told the rest of the team, I’m leaving Hot Pieces of Ace. I got a new second job (part time) and I’ll be working seven days a week. So, I’m not leaving for any negative reasons! I’m just trying to filter my way…
Awww, thanks you guys! I’ll try to post more on Tumblr when the ideas start flowing!
I haven’t had any time to make my good-bye video…but I already told the rest of the team, I’m leaving Hot Pieces of Ace. I got a new second job (part time) and I’ll be working seven days a week. So, I’m not leaving for any negative reasons! I’m just trying to filter my way out of my current full time job…so I’m attempting to open doors to other jobs and see if I will be lucky enough to get full-time elsewhere. I’m a workoholic and tend to work 2-3 jobs.
So…sadly…I will be leaving Hot Pieces of Ace. I really don’t know how to go about making a goodbye video…but it really does make me sad, because, besides getting my own personal hate-fans :D I really did enjoy posting. And I really, really enjoyed all the responses I got, negative and positive. And I greatly enjoyed meeting all the other kick-ass members of Hot Pieces of Ace. But, alas, real life gets in the way!
If I was to steal a chocolate bar because it was sitting at the counter looking all tasty, it’d be theft. Nobody would say but oh, look at the creamy picture on the packaging. It was taunting him. He had no choice. It was instinct. Impulse. Drives and desires beyond his control.
TW for Rape: UVM suspends fraternity after survey asks members who they want to rape
A survey that asked fraternity members at the University of Vermont about their preferred rape victim, allegedly circulated by members of Sigma Phi Epsilon, has resulted in the fraternity’s suspension and a visit from its national headquarters, according to university officials.
The matter has been forwarded to campus police to determine if there is a criminal aspect to the incident, Thomas J. Gustafson, vice president for student and campus life, said Tuesday.
“We don’t know what we’ve got right now; we don’t know which individual or individuals are involved,” Gustafson said.
The Sigma Phi Epsilon survey question was: “If you could rape someone, who would it be?” according to an email from the organization FedUp Vermont and several online blogs. Other blogs listed slightly different wording.
TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR ACE-HATE, ABUSE, SOME DISCUSSION OF COERCION, AND INVALIDATION/RIDICULING OF FEELINGS AND FEARS.
Also, more than you ever wanted to know about my personal problems.
This post is really, really long. You have been warned.
One of the arguments that people who are skeptical of asexuality tend to use to deny the existence of asexuality, particularly for aversive aces, is to try to find some other psychological cause. “You just hate [insert “opposite” gender here].” (It always seems to be the “opposite” gender.) “You’re repressed.” “You must have been abused.” “You’re just scared of sex.” “You had a bad relationship/break up.”
Because sex is great, right? Everybody loves sex. If you don’t like it for some reason, if you can’t at least think up some redeeming aspects of it, then you must be broken or damaged. And by extension, if you just got help, maybe spent some time in therapy, worked out all of your “issues,” let someone “fix” you, then you’d be “normal” and like sex.
Except no. Nothing in that above paragraph is true.
Of course, most aces immediately see the problems with that paragraph. There are lots of people who are ready to defend their fellow aces, to say that we’re don’t have issues like that. We’re not afraid of sex. We haven’t been hurt by bad relationships, or if we have, it hasn’t impacted our asexuality, and how we interact with it. Any personal issues we may have are entirely and completely separate from our sexual orientation.
And while it’s true that none of those things cause asexuality, per se, it’s somewhat naive to think that they don’t influence asexuality. And saying so erases a lot of aces.
Hi. I’m Emerald. I’m an aversive ace. I also have an anxiety disorder, trust issues, and I’m fucking terrified of sex.
You know, I just checked back in on this post, and something about this last response rubbed me the wrong way. Not because I disagree with anything it said on its own, just because I think it ignored a very real problem in responding to reactions in feminist discourse and I think it missed the context on what it was responding to.
Here’s the deal: Straight cis men do get raped. Straight cis men do get abused. Straight cis men do suffer lots of problems because of weird patriarchal notions of masculinity. You’d be hard pressed to find a feminist that disagrees with those ideas. But here’s the thing: it can’t and shouldn’t dominate the conversation when women or trans men or LGBTQ folks talk about the type of oppression that THEY face. And it does! All the time, and in ways that are totally irrelevant.
When you read a post where a woman describes her rape trauma, and someone comes in and says “Well, men get raped too, what about the men?”, they’re not saying “We’re all potential victims of sexual assault, look at how awful this is, let’s examine it as one entity called “human” that is opposed to this type of behavior in all of its forms.” What they ARE saying is “STFU, woman. This isn’t just a woman problem, so you’re not allowed to talk about it in any terms that acknowledge your womaness, or gender as a factor at all. We don’t care that rape statistics show that women are much, much, more likely to be raped than straight cis men. We certainly don’t care that people with disabilities and trans people face even more severely heightened odds of being raped. We don’t care. Straight cis men get raped too. Therefore this is a non-story and you really shouldn’t be talking about it. Especially not in any context that we don’t agree with or approve of. Men get raped too, so your story is irrelevant.”
That’s why “But what about the menz?” is a meme in feminist circles. It’s because we see that idea ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. If we talk about about anything related to harassment, anything related to how we experience the world on a day to day basis, some asshole will come in and say “Men could conceivably experience that too, YOUR ARGUMENT IS IRRELEVANT.” It’s a derailing tactic. A way of telling us to Shut The Fuck Up, and center the conversation around the people that matter: straight white cis guys.
It’s a reminder that if we make the conversation about us and our own experiences, and we don’t go out of our way to acknowledge those straight, cis white guys… well, clearly it’s because WE are excluding THEM, and it has nothing to do with their inability to identify with us. Because they’re the default. So you can’t talk about human experience in female terms and have it not be automatically exclusionary to the guys that you are not talking about. Or the white people you’re not talking about if you’re discussing the experience of being a person of color. Or the straight people you’re not talking about if you’re talking about being gay.
And as a feminist, let me say this: Guys, I understand that bad things happen to you. I understand that you experience rape, harassment, problems related to sexuality and your masculinity. I get that. When I talk about me? It’s not because I’m refusing to talk about you. You’re allowed in. Share your stories, but stop acting like there’s something wrong with me if I don’t talk about yours every single time I talk about mine. Tell us what happened to you and how it made you feel and why you feel that way. Sit down at the proverbial table with us, have a drink, and tell us what makes you sad about the world.
But don’t you dare fucking interrupt me while you do it. This is a conversation, and in a polite conversation you have to listen and wait for your turn.
There are, of course, legitimate instances where male victimisation (especially rape) is erased or discounted. That said, this is an excellent post summarising why that fact should never be used a derailing tactic when discussing how gender disproportionately dictates one’s likelihood of being raped.
Ok, what the hell is this? A few days before Thanksgiving I started coughing. Slight sore throat and mild runny nose. Then it wasn’t so bad for a day or two and now I have not slept in three days because I cough and cough and cough all night! Urg…and I haven’t had a fever. Hardly a sore throat and barely a runny nose. This entire week has been nothing but coughing. When I lay down I just cannot stop coughing. So annoying…
Well….anyway. Got a new job. Will be working 7 days a week once again! Hello busy-ness and never seeing my family again, but hopefully the part time job will grow and I can finally leave my full-time position. Because it sucks.
Oh yeah, can you take Mucinex and Thera-flu. Or Mucinex and Nyquil? Just onedering?
This is kind of random but are any aces, demis or graces that live in or around Chicago having trouble finding a cheap, plain black ring? Because I totally know of one place to get one for two dollars.
I have never looked for one, but always wondered where someone could find one. Is it Claire’s?! :D
Well, it’s actually targeting any outspoken asexual. My videos on Hot Pieces of Ace seem to be some of the more popular hated now. Which is why you’ll see I get the most thumbs down than any other videos.